Posted by: mamaamy | April 4, 2008

Life with my Visionary

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There is a book out by Debi Pearl called, Created to be His Helpmeet. I have been studying this book with a group a ladies and it has been very insightful about our role as wives. Chapter 8 is particularly interesting and especially good, not just in understanding our husbands, but our sons and fathers and other men in our lives. Here is a link to the abridged version that Ms. Pearl wrote. http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/topics/marriage-family/husbandwife-relations/article-display/archive/2004/november/01/created-to-be-his-help-meet/

The following is what I shared with the ladies in our group:

I wanted to greet you all and talk a bit about a chapter in Created to Be His Helpmeet. It is my favorite chapter of the book! I had read all of the Pearl’s books and had been receiving the Pearl’s newsletter for years when a couple years ago they put in an excerpt from their pending book in the newsletter. It was an abbreviated version of this chapter about 3 kinds of men. Mitch read the article early one morning and when I woke up he was very excited and told me to get our friends Russ and Laura Marr and Wayne and Keli Marshall to read the article and get with us that night. He had an epiphany! That night we got together to discuss the article. We laughed over the course of the evening as we discovered together the “type” each of the men were. Mitch is very much the Mr. Visionary—he had the vision that morning that everyone should understand this insight of the 3 types of men! Russ, the Mr. Steady was asked to read the article and he, very used to Mitch’s inspirations, patiently complied. Keli hadn’t had a chance to talk to Wayne all day about reading the article, so when he got home from work she told him that Mitch wanted him to read it and then come over. What was Wayne’s response? “Read it to me while I ride my bike.” Then after Keli obediently read it to him he asked, “What type am I?” We still laugh at how Mr. Command Man couldn’t recognize himself.

Our three families have been fellowshipping for years and we just marveled how God put us together with each of the three types of men, so that we would share together in all parts of Himself when we received each other. Since we all first read the chapter, we have really appreciated each other’s strengths. Mitch has been so grateful for Russ’ steady, enduring character especially during the tumultuous Photomatic years. And Mitch has regularly consulted with Wayne on administrative issues that have come up in work. Russ’ and Wayne’s gifts have been a continuous blessing to us. I know also that Mitch’s visionary nature has inspired both Russ and Wayne at times to move into new areas in their lives and businesses. With the insight from this chapter it has also given us patience with the differences between us. I am sure that Mitch’s continuous idea stream and untiring energy have tried the nerves of the other men and yet knowing that these are characteristics of the Visionary they are able to understand where he is coming from. We are more able to understand Russ’ seeming inactivity or delay in action when it comes to making a decision. He is a steady man, a deep well of wisdom and maturity that requires time to think through things. We must be patient and know that where Mitch may run ahead, Russ is going to wait on the Lord. There have been times when Wayne has come over and taken over. Mitch jokes that Wayne tells him what to do in his own home. He loves Wayne and now knows that this is the command personality that takes care of business and delegates when he sees the need. He doesn’t take it as a criticism of his ability to run his own household.

Knowing what type of man Mitch is sure has helped me understand my man also. Mitch is the ultimate Visionary with a bit of Command thrown in for fun! Some may envy the innovation, energy and sense of adventure that I live with daily. It has its benefits. We have traveled all over and constantly are active in our life and our minds. On our 5th Anniversary he took me camping and secretly brought our wedding clothes, a steak dinner, flowers and candles. What a great, romantic thought! But there are times when the adventure has taken us to crazy, difficult places. We have been very poor and with notices being sent informing us that that our house was going into foreclosure. When Mitch believed that our eyes shouldn’t ingest artificial light, we stopped using lights in our home and just used candlelight for a while. He also started businesses that ended up being a lot of work on my part to make them happen. Photomatic is not the only one. We have talked about being Amish, moving to a commune, dropping off the grid and farming for survival. He’s drug me on 200 mile bike treks and on a car camping trip up to Canada in November when I was 6 months pregnant, sleeping in the car in 20 degree weather for three weeks.

His inventive mind has pioneered the practices of home birth, no insurance, home school, family bed, no TV and many other ideas that have worked well for us. I know that if I were with a different kind of man, I would be a completely different woman—and it wouldn’t be good. God made me for this Visionary. It has had its ups and downs, but I have learned to, and the insight from this chapter has helped me, enjoy the adventure. When Mitch would have an idea, I used to start right in telling how hard it would be and all the cons of the idea because it made me nervous and I would start envisioning all the work that it would be for me. I have had to learn to hold my tongue when a new business idea comes pouring out and just let him relish in the idea for a while. Mostly he just wants to explore the thought and once he verbalizes it, he can then let it go. So now I just say, “That’s a great idea, honey. I love you.” My goal is to actually truly enjoy the idea along with him…the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I share this to encourage any women who have a Visionary husband.

Sometimes I think the wives of Steady guys need a support group. It does seem to be more difficult. But remember you ladies, you’ve never had to live in a 900sq foot house with 4 kids in your bedroom so that you could run your husband’s company out of the other bedroom! Don’t long for what you don’t have—the grass isn’t necessarily greener! Many women that I have known that have steady husbands struggle to be grateful for them as Ms Pearl mentioned. I have very close relatives that are prominent examples and both relationships ended in divorce. It is a tragedy. They could not appreciate the benefits of having a hard worker that always had the bills paid, or the constant, dedicated (although not very passionate) love, or the quiet, wise words that never embarrassed or exhausted them. Remember that these steady men are so valuable to the Kingdom and are such solid foundations for the command men and visionaries. This stability allows the Command man respite after intense confrontations. It allows the Visionary to sore higher because he knows that a tether is not going to let him fly too far and melt his wings.

I have seen negative and positive examples of wives of Command men in my life. Keli is one of the positive ones. She has learned to honor and submit with grace to her husband. No matter what he asks her to do, she does it faithfully and with a great attitude. And he absolutely cherishes her. My grandfather was the largest personality that I have ever met. He was the ultimate Command man. Wow! But my grandma handled him beautifully! She appreciated him so much and would just chuckle when He did something overbearing. She is great!! Grandpa also cherished Grandma and adored her. They had a beautiful relationship. He has now passed away and she still refers to him as her “sweety”. Another close relative is married to a Command man also. She resists his commands, questioning his decisions. This has made him crazy! They have a volatile relationship and though they are very committed to each other, it hasn’t been easy. It is amazing how recognizing and receiving the man God gives us–and being grateful for him–makes life a blessing and vice verse.

I hope that if you have stories about being married to a certain kind of man that you would share them so we can laugh or cry with you.

The most valuable thing about this chapter is not just that it helps us recognize the type of man we married, but it encourages us to embrace the man we married and teaches us ways to be the kind of “help meet” that enables our man to thrive and become all that God envisioned him to be when He created him. I believe He not only knew our men (as He knew Jeremiah) before they were in their mother’s wombs, but He knew each woman that would complete the man He created. He “fashioned” Eve as a perfect compliment to Adam—no other created creature was suitable. She was shaped from his very bones. I am convinced I am fashioned for my man and I desire–and am committed–to helping Mitch achieve all that God has for him. If each one of us asks God to reveal who our man is and how to walk in the calling of “help meet” for that specific man, and then each commits to being grateful for that man and serve him as he needs, I believe God is faithful to provide all that is required for the task. And what a blessing it is to walk in this calling. Peace and joy is the result of this obedience.

I pray that God would continue to reveal the fullness of this calling to each of us as we seek Him.

Blessings,

Mama Amy

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Responses

  1. Dear Amy-

    You are a talented writer with a lot of good things to say.

    I have not read Debbie Pearl’s book, although I have read a lot of other books by the Pearl’s and listened to many cds of theirs. I will read the book.

    After reading your article, I am pretty sure that my husband is a ” Steady” personality type with some “Command” thrown in too.

    As for my dear cousin, Mitch, absolutely he is the “Visionary ” and that is what makes him Mitch! I believe he got a lot of his ” visionary” traits from his Uncle Tom ( my dad ).

    Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Stacey

  2. Mamaamy, maybe you should look up the definitions of the word visionary in Webster’s Dictionary. You may be surprised.
    Mamaamy says: Thanks, I did take your suggestion and look it up. Several of Webster’s definitions seem appropriate (like: 3: of, relating to, or characterized by visions or the power of vision as in visionary invention or a visionary leader and 4: having or marked by foresight and imagination) and several are not as applicable in this context (like: 1 b: incapable of being realized or achieved : utopian and c: existing only in imagination) (!). I am mostly basing my use of the term on the definition described in the book Created to be His Helpmeet which I reference at the beginning of the article. I appreciate your comment. Thanks for visiting.


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